All the local schools began slowly dropping subjects from their curriculum that didn't relate to the obvious career path that any self-respecting person would want. Subjects like math, art, geography, and foreign languages were the first to go. And then the other subjects went away, or at least became unrecognizable.

What used to be biology was now the biology of mesothelioma. What used to be American history was now the history of mesothelioma law. What used to be English was now classic mesothelioma literature, or English for mesothelioma lawyers. Before too long, anything that could possibly steer a young bright mind away from a career in New York mesothelioma law was gone.

When a kid became old enough to use the phone, they learned about the oddities of our phone books. Most areas across the country have Yellow Pages for business listings, White Pages for residential listings, and Blue Pages for government listings. We have those too, but they're only a couple of pages each. Then we have an enormous book with practically all the phone numbers in town: the Black Pages, which contains all mesothelioma-related listings.

Even the mascot of every school in town was a mesothelioma lawyer. Yes, that means every athletic team was called the Mesothelioma Lawyers Mesothelioma Lawyers. You can't make this shit up.

But that wasn't enough. A child younger than the minimum age for preschool was still free from this propaganda, and there was a danger of them building up an immunity to it before they were exposed. Their free will had to be taken away early, so the mesothelioma law firms turned to TV to spread their message.

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